I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
