Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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