How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
