Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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