I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
