high people should be assigned attendants
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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