Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
