Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Couch. On fire.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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