Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
