In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
