So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
