Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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