just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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