Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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