I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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