Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
