Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
