dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
