I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's never too late to be topless.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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