my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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