It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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