i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry my hands just texted you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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