you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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