Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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