i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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