sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
