we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
