Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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