Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
