nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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