its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
