I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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