I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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