1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
