My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
