lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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