how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
