I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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