4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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