so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
