Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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