Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she told me i tasted like america
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
