Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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