i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
