im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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