i love accidental penises.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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