So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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