yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
