Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
