Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
All the doctor said was why
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i out mim tonsoeep
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