we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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