I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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