I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
