I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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