normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
