I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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