Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
