i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
