i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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