I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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