i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
