Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
