i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
