I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
