So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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