so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
