Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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