There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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