And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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