I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
